The Power of Words

A single sentence spoken by the right person at the right time can change the trajectory of your entire life!

Leela Samson

"When I returned to Trinidad in 2014 I remembered being terrified but determined to conquer my goals and get my journey started. I was now a Bharatanatyam graduate, a qualified teacher, and an alumnus of Kalakshetra and this was just the easy part. I remember during my first year at Kalakshetra, the director at that time, Ms. Leela Sampson dropped in one morning to check in with us. We were newbies and being in her presence in whatever capacity felt like a boon delivered by the apsaras. She was the epitome of enchantment and intellect. Everything about her screamed celestial and I would never forget what she told us in that class. After she had looked on at our lessons and provided some beautiful corrections and insight on being a beginner to the art form, she left us with the most real serving of food for thought I had ever been served. She said in all her years of being in Kalakshetra, (she was there since she was a child alongside Athai, so that was a very long time), she had seen thousands and thousands of dancers spend their time and energy in this space but, as soon as they graduated, they left the artform. She said she looked forward to seeing how many of us will actually maintain this relationship with art and nurture a future with this passion.

I was in disbelief, I couldn't understand why any dancer would put themselves through four years of being immersed in such beauty to give it all up. To each their own but I never wanted to be a part of this statistic and I vowed never to. She said it was already in our destiny to immerse in this space but how we create the ripple effect of this art form outside of the walls of Kalakshetra determines our future with it. With her voice always at the back of my mind I took the first step into my career. I was truly at God’s feet for helping me get to this point and I trusted the process because I had faith that he would get me through it all.

It took me a long minute to readjust after getting back to Trinidad but like the militant dance hustler I had now become, I got to the grind. I wanted to make my dreams a reality and that would have taken time and money. So I worked and worked and worked. I worked multiple jobs over the course of eight years. I banned my belly. I spent no money recklessly and saved every penny mindfully. I walked like a crazy person to and from all my jobs on a very dangerous and hot island. I worked early mornings as a front desk clerk at my neighborhood gym, did accounting and social media management for their parent company, had a midday babysitting gig, taught part-time with a cultural institute that belonged to the High Commission of India, and slowly built my own school on the side.

After one whole year, I saved enough money to purchase my car. I was in love with Subarus and that's what I got myself. Subie got blessed and we took over the world. I began teaching dance privately at different homes so now beside my daytime jobs, I was able to teach kids in the comfort of their own homes. This helped me work even more to be able to put on my first solo showcase in my country. Where there is a will there's a way. It was a beautiful, intimate well-attended recital and my heart was content.

I was able to start my own school and begin my journey as a teacher and performer. It was terribly difficult to do everything a Non-Profit required, but I remained committed. Being behind the administrative end of an art organization can be challenging but my students were blessings in disguise and gave me all the motivation I needed. I loved them unconditionally and I became so addicted to being in their company and just sharing the joys of teaching and learning dance with them. This was the start of my real learning as an artist. Children are true beacons of light. With their keen interest, determination, dedication, and devotion to learning, I felt truly blessed to be completely immersed in dance. With much love and support from all my students and their parents, I gave them everything in my brain, my heart and my soul.

My multiple jobs allowed me the financial freedom to meet my expenses and build my school. I happily poured everything earned into my school. After eight years and executing four major productions my school was standing firm, well established with an aware, supportive but very small audience.

This came at a huge disadvantage to my mental health. The constant highs and lows weighed heavy on me and sometimes it was very difficult to ride the emotional waves that came with these imbalances. I was so fixated on doing everything for my school that I had nothing developing for myself outside of dance. No proper savings, no investments, no insurance, no relationships, nothing. Being a young woman set out to make any sort of change with discipline involved took a lot from my fight mode. I succumbed to the social media bullying, the backbiting, dance critiques, expectations, societal conditioning, and my very role as a woman entering her thirties in a very judgemental, laid-back, Caribbean environment. I was tired and my cup was just getting empty.

At this point in my life, I was identifying myself with the failure of denial. After having invested many years and personal resources into creating art that I believed would have an impact, I denied the fact that it was culturally new to my country and that society might be uninterested in it. I believe now that understanding one's audience and environment is very critical to the longevity of any art being presented. My country is very much a population soaked in carnival culture and its identity and discipline revolved heavily around that. It was hard for me to accept because I dreamed of a space at home where every art form has an equal platform and equal opportunity but this was not always the case.

To balance my disappointments and in an attempt to lead a somewhat normal life, I realized that I needed to start slowing down. I needed to take some time for myself and to refill my own cup. I took up a performing arts internship in New York City, surrounded myself with a beautiful environment of creatives, and explored places that gave me a breath of fresh air and inspiration. I returned fully to my personal yoga, dance practice, and fitness - all the things that brought me joy.

Here's the moral of the story - life can be tough, but it's important to remember that your passion is a two-way street. Sure, it's there for you when you commit to it long-term, but you also need to nurture it. You can't give 100% all the time without taking the time to recharge yourself. Take a step back and be kind to yourself. Whether you're a Bharatanatyam graduate or just someone who loves to salsa on the weekends, you deserve it. So take care of yourself and your passions will thrive! There you have it my friends. The story of a dancer who conquered her fears, danced her heart out and even gave Subaru some free publicity. If I can do it, so can you! Just remember to never give up on your dreams, and if all else fails, buy a Subaru.

Love ya unconditionally,

Alana