A Romance with Divinity

A reflection on the grandeur of the feminine energy during this sacred time of Navraatri!

When learning Bharatanatyam one is taught a very crucial aspect of the form called ‘Abhinaya’. This can be defined as the ability to take an audience through an emotional experience. I believe my addiction to the exploration of Abhinaya items connects to the strong Caribbean female flavor flowing within me.

Growing up in a very conservative Indo-Trinidadian home left little to no room for being open with expressing oneself. Often, in my humble opinion, a lot of conditioning made girls like me shy, timid, and unsure how to be bold as a woman of color and substance. Well, that went out the window the first time I saw a Padam, Javali and Ashtapadi. Being able to enact scenarios around love, intimacy, jealousy, pain, anger and so much more was just mind-blowing to me. Hearing carnatic compositions in soul-stirring ragas that brought out these emotions was just next level. Seeing petite, conservative, mature Indian women step into strong, bold characters who were daring, magnanimous and so so elegant left me awestruck.

Not having to utter a single word but using a subtle glance to awaken an emotion within an audience lit a flame deep in my being. This gave me freedom and I basked in every moment of it.

Being exposed to Tamil poetry of the Sangam period or even a Bhakti margam, left a very innocent and hopeful expectation of what might be existent in real life scenarios. It’s amazing to sit back and observe just how relevant a traditional art form can be. What I’ve noticed is that as much as we consider ourselves to be modern, times have not drastically changed where these Nayikas and their experiences are concerned. While exploring romance on a stage felt liberating, real life just ain't happening the same way. But, as with every chapter in the book of life, these enactments offer a lot of lessons to understand one’s emotional play and response to situations that may leave us vulnerable. Thank the heavens for Jayadeva’s Ahstadapis. That is truly a timeless treasure especially when trying to understand this 21st century world of relationships.

There is a beautiful book I read which was a collection of talks by the yogi Paramahamsa Yogananda entitled, The Divine Romance. I read it many times at different stages in my life and now I can’t help but remember his words as they hold so much truth. He says:

"The greatest romance you can have is the romance with God. He is the lover and our souls are the beloved, and when the soul meets the greatest lover of the universe, then the eternal romance begins. God's dream creation was not meant to frighten you but to prod you to realize finally that it has no reality. So why be afraid of anything? Jesus said: "Is it not written in your law, I said, Ye are gods?" Yet even Jesus for a little while forgot his immutable divine nature and cried out, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" But quickly he realized again that he was a son of God and could never be destroyed, which he proved by his resurrection. His whole life showed he had risen truly from the sepulcher of delusion.

If you know intellectually that life is a dream, but still have not realized it completely, and still haven't found God either, you are neither in this world nor out of it. That is a sad state. Don't remain trapped in that delusion. Make a supreme effort to get to God. I am speaking practical truth to you, practical sense; and giving you a philosophy that will take away all of your consciousness of hurt. Be afraid of nothing. If death comes, all right. What is going to happen, will happen. Refuse to be intimidated by this dream. Affirm: "I will not be frightened by ill.”

Don't depend on death to liberate you from your imperfections. You are exactly the same after death as you were before. Nothing changes; you only give up the body. If you are a thief, a liar, or a cheater before death, you don't become an angel merely by dying. If such were possible, then let us all go and jump in the ocean now and become angels at once! Whatever you have made of yourself thus far, so will you be hereafter. And when you reincarnate, you will bring that same nature with you. To change, you have to make the effort. This world is the place to do it.” "

In reflecting on this, I appreciate so much more now, my investment into studying and practicing Bharatanatyam. Learning any Indian classical discipline involves exploration of the concept of union between the 'jeev' atman (the mortal) with the 'param' atman (the immortal). Bharatanatyam provided me with a life immersed in exploring a romance with Divinity. The entire process from stance to glance to repertoire to a fully immersed lifestyle around this form, brought with it the ultimate life lesson of relationships. What does this truly mean and why is it so important?

I think before we truly develop and work on a relationship with Divinty, we seek out human interactions, acquaintances, friendships and relationships. Relationships are difficult. I know we are all not perfect but we shouldn't be dismissive of the idea of trying. An honest love exists and gives people a chance to look within. However, most importantly I believe in boundaries and this I fully understood only after having an overdose of codependent and casual relationships. Sometimes we fully invest ourselves, emotionally, physically and mentally to each relationship without acknowledging or honoring what we bring to the table. People enter our lives as empty vessels wanting to be filled but never to be poured. They will keep adding to your baggage of horrible relationship experiences.

Every time you leave a relationship, your entire being is decorated with a new crack. While the experience may teach us a life lesson or two, as a woman there is something extremely dangerous about being in this position. It is in these moments that we neglect a very powerful aspect of our being. To be a woman is to be a representation of a sacred energy. The very force that keeps our inner balance, nurtures and protects us is feminine. It is this 'Shakti' that keeps God himself balanced.

I neglected this energy within myself and allowed my body and my mind to be shared. With each relationship I allowed into my space a representation of love that was not pure, sincere or genuine. Neglecting to protect our bodies as sacred vessels sets us up for brokenness. Our body as divine vessels become riddled with cracks. Those very cracks become weak and we fall prey to the very evil that exists and roams the earth. There are all these beautiful spiritual quotes about having cracks and letting light in but where there is light there is darkness and it is in these moments that a prince or princess of darkness can enter.

Guard your energy and if you want to explore relationships, pray about it. Your intuition will guide you to know if that person is safe. You must feel safe with someone you want a future with. Safety of your entire being. Safety of your heart and all that you believe in. If one doubt or question pops up in your mind or makes you feel insecure, do not entertain the pleasantries. Let their qualities be significant and worthwhile. If God wills it then he will guide you to it. Please be cautious. Every woman is deserving of a love that gives them peace of mind and power to nurture a partnership built on trust and respect. Look for the signs and pay attention. Learn about personality traits, toxic behavior patterns, body language signals, abuse in all forms and fashion, and how they present themselves. Use the freaking internet! Information is available. Don’t be like me and enter into relationships with blind trust and faith. God placed the Holy Spirit within you and when those

intuitive feelings arise please, I beg you, do not ignore them. Be cautious. If you have to visualize every male species with a yellow caution tape around them, do it! Proceed with extreme caution. Come to a complete stop, look both ways even upwards at God and then proceed straight ahead if it isn’t worth your time and energy. And, if you identify with toxic traits within yourself, please seek professional help. Psychological issues are so detrimental to your being and to others. It is sometimes impossible to see oneself in the wrong. But change can happen, it just takes effort.

Absolutely no one can contribute to your growth in life as much as you can. I know you have heard this many times, but it’s worth repeating. We need to be reminded that the fulfillment we seek lies within us, waiting to be uncovered. Sometimes it takes a significant event to bring this realization to the surface. Physical relationships and partnerships are often seen as the epitome of success and happiness however, it’s crucial to remember external factors do not define our worth or purpose. You are still whole and valued, just as you are.

Love ya unconditionally,

Alana